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Just hitting meThe moon shines in the window,
I cried for the first time sense everything went down.
The things I said run through my mind,
What happened didn't hit me till now.
Emotions were everywhere last night,
I know soon things will be alright,
I feel I took care of the situation well,
But why don't I feel so swell?
I know I need to hold my head up high and be brave,
That I shouldn't let anything get in my way,
But "It's what needed to happen" my heart tells me,
I feel like I threw everything at him at once to fast.
It hurt at first, but it will get better in time,
I know there could have been a better way of showing the way I was felt.
So whats supposed to happen now that it's all over?
Am I just supposed to forget all the perfect memories?
Is it the best thing to stay friends after being so in love?
Maybe letting go is the price we have to pay,
Maybe it's the best thing to do to make things be okay.
Pulling her downThe waves are pulling her down,
She starts to slowly drown,
All her tears have formed an ocean,
"There's nothing left to live for" she thinks,
The anchor is letting her sink,
Her ocean of tears are flowing over,
The hope she had has slowly died over the years,
She never felt accept in this strange selfish world,
She watches everything fade away,
There is no turning back,
The anchor is tied on tightly,
She lets herself have one more thought,
MemoriesEverywhere you seem to go,
There are memories that float into the air,
The distinct sound rattling in the distance,
The voices you remember hearing,
Words fill your head,
Certain words that seem to be important,
The feeling each touch left on your skin,
Feelings that ran through your mind in each moment,
You close your eyes at all the memories that have filled your mind,
You focus in on the music playing in your ears,
Wishing you could just run away,
All the memories this town holds,
As you open your eyes you wish to be somewhere else for a new start.
Crawling into your dreamsThe world likes to get into our dreams,
And sometimes there's someone willing to stitch back up the seams,
They see how many times the world has brought you down,
Like how you've begun to drown,
Each tear thats fallen down your cheeks,
Or when they've noticed you haven't let razors kiss your skin in weeks,
Or the way your hands shake,
The smile you always fake,
They notice the lies of happiness you create,
They see you're tired of acting like you're life is so great,
Someone wants you to know the phrase "no one cares" is a lie,
They want to show you its worth it to try,
Soon you'll realize there's a reason to stay alive,
Darling please know it's time to put down that knife.
Go to hell for heavens sakeI wish you'd go to hell for heavens sake,
See all the shit you say,
You think it's all okay,
I hope death is in the route you take.
I've never felt like slitting your throat so much,
You're such a selfish condescending bitch,
I've never seen such an ugly face,
It's time to take you out of this place.
Your words mean nothing,
You're not accepted in this world.
Thinking of giving upWorry and thoughts run into my mind,
I know he re-assure me that he only wants me,
But what if someone else steals his heart?
Someone who doesn't have to be far apart.
Tears stream down my cheek slowly,
Why can't I stop this forbidden thought?
But I can't take being scared anymore,
I want to stop believing he'll leave,
My head keeps telling me to give up,
But my heart keeps tugging to believe in us.
The thought of someone touching him,
Something breaks inside of me,
But it seems selfish for me not to want anyone to touch him,
Rage and hurt grows inside of me.
Have some faithHope is something that takes time,
It shows me that there is a reason to wait,
I know there's such thing as fate,
Ever sense you chose my heart to steal.
You have thoughts deep down that we won't work out,
Daring you have to have faith,
The patience I have may be faith,
But i'm not just going to sit down and doubt.
Days will go by,
Just in a blink of an eye,
Don't let this love slip on by,
It's time to stop growing in your questions of "What if" and "Why?"
New OutlookWere all broken inside,
No ones able to falsely smile and hide,
Someone's able to look deep inside and find the pain,
They're the only one who doesn't think your insane,
They are the only one who can bring out her beautiful smile,
The one she seems to have been hiding for awhile,
It's the unknown feeling she gets that no ones ever made her feel before,
Nobodies actually took the time to befriend her and explore,
She doesn't understand how someone can still love her under all her flaws,
She feels like it's time to brake her laws,
She no longer wants to hide away her thoughts,
Her stomach is tied up all in knots,
She never knew someone so special could change her life and the new outlook of it,
It's something that she's ready to admit.
NightmaresThe clock strikes midnight,
She tosses and turns,
He keeps flashing into her dreams,
His hand traces up and down her back,
She looks into his eyes and smiles,
He whispers something into her ear,
She closes her eyes in frustration,
She isn't able to hear it clearly,
He disappears after she opens her eyes again,
She screams in anger and wonder,
"Where did he go? Why isn't he here anymore?"
A strange lady appears in red,
"You're not worth his time, you don't deserve him" She says with a grin,
Tears stream down her eyes "Go away you stupid freak,"
The lady repeats herself over and over again,
She screams until it disappears,
She wakes up in a panic and in tears.
Mental Disorder Discrimination"You said you've got depression?
No you don't, you attention seeker.
You're just an average teenager with the perfect life
Desperately looking for sympathy."
Stop crying, you coward.
You're just a childish "scaredy-cat".
Blaming your problems on a mental disorder
That doesn't even exist."
"So you're schizophrenic?
Grow the hell up, and stop acting like a child
You're too old for imaginary friends
You callow, juvenile, little twit."
But if we're attention seekers,
Why do we try so hard to hide our feelings from the world?
Why do we isolate ourselves in our rooms,
Desperately hiding the cuts on our wrists
Trying our best to live a normal life?
And if we're simply "scaredy-cats",
Why is our fear so vividly intense?
Unlike simple fear, our anxiety will stick with us forever
A severe long-lasting feeling of powerful panic.
A feeling from which we'll never be free.
Suddenly we're childish for having a mental disorder?
Schizophrenia is not something we can control.
YouIf you’re a girl, you’re a girl.
If you’re a boy, you’re a boy.
If you’re white, you’re white.
If you’re black, you’re black.
If you’re gay, you’re gay.
If you’re bi, you’re bi.
If you’re straight, you’re straight.
If you’re religious, you’re religious.
If you’re an atheist, you’re an atheist.
If you’re mentally disabled, you’re still human.
If you’re physically disabled, you’re still human.
For everything you are:
So who are they to judge you for who you are?
to me you are perfect
I do not know the reasons
for all those scars burning
against your bright skin
you've been soaking
a pain reminiscing from past
we both cannot recollect
yet you are so beautiful..
when night gets darker
and I am the one...
who's hungered to undress
the spirit of you
slowly revealing the layers
coming off from shadows
disguised in desires
craving to be fulfilled
I will caress every corner
of your silhouette
until I figure the true shape
of your heart
I will rub those blisters
softly until every nerve
of you gushes into a river
and you moan into a life
I had promised you
years ago when we began
to breathe into each other
for all the truths
I must swallow
and lessons I must learn
you are the one
I am destined to discover
what it means
to love in perfection
daydreams and monsters.she was a girl.
she ran with the moon,
chased fireflies in the bluegrass, and
watched the reflection of sunsets in rain puddles.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
but to the dragonflies she was a queen,
and to the mirror she was a sister.
the moon was her prince, and the
blinking windows were the eyes
that kept her safe.
she spent her nights making wishes, and she
dragged her fingers along the shooting stars
that were tangled with her vertebrae.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
her body was a river
her mind was an ocean
and her heart was the sky.
she lived in a world where
doves flew in the sea and
whales swam in the
i can't keep walking on these dry-rot bonesoh, i am not a poet;
like the ink scratches
of plath, i am
specter boy: decay,
dispose, & disappoint
because this is the way
that writers wane -
(this hangman head is no
survivor story, & gods
do not burn out
poem for borderlinesif i could concentrate over
seven hundred thousand eyes
at the roof to the numbers stepping
from the nicities & rows
to go back
to the shattered surface
& the ripples beating over the hang
halfway between shallow
biting lips. maybe--
she couldn't have known
that it takes a whole three minutes
for the lungs to
well, maybe she
who, oh well
the white; the haze--
the booming over
the spume and spray
me get out of my head
just pull up the shutters
my tongue the weight to talk
but that's all we'll ever be:
a match burning itself out for
under the backspray of someone else's wheels
Blocking the thoughts"it's all a joke"
I want to go running for the danger.
"You know you need it"
I shake the thoughts away.
"your not really strong"
I turn my music up.
"Go ahead and grab it"
I throw it across my room.
"The pain is your medicine"
I turn the music up louder.
I pick my phone up,
And remember what i know is true.
Hath No FearGiving yourself completely up to fear is kinda like falling in love: You can't pin point exactly when it started and by the time you realize that you are surrounded by that sensation it's already game over. Just like the image of the person you are in love with starts creeping out from every unexpected corner, fear never leaves your side when you give it a welcome stay. After a restless sleep, it starts beating anxiously in your heart the moment you wake up in the morning and commands all your thoughts and actions throughout the day. It is nothing short of a prison, except you are the only inmate and the warden never takes a break. Ever.
I do not exactly remember when I let fear occupy my being but I remember the exact moment when I realized I was ruled by it. It was late in the afternoon, everybody was out there 'getting busy living' and I had locked myself inside my bed half awake, not particularly finding any valid reason to get out of it. Then I was awakened from a nightmare by my
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More